I have never hurt so much. I can’t eat, I can’t breath, I can’t sleep, I can’t think, I can’t do anything.
I just don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to go on. My head is exploding, and I’m all alone.
I will drown within my thoughts tonight.
What does someone do when he can’t handle what he’s given?
I beg God to tell me what to do, because I just don’t know.
I’m physically sick.
I had so many high hopes for us. I knew that he’s the one, I had no doubts about us.
The thing that hurts the most is that after everything he can’t even talk to me, he can’t even tell me it’s over.
I go back in my mind to my first love, I really really loved him. It sort of ended in the same way, but maybe for different reasons.
But I remember walking around like a zombie for months, losing all faith, and hurting myself.
In my mind I didn’t understand how he could just leave if he loved me so much.
I know I couldn’t do that to someone I love.
And here I am about 7 years after, in the same situation.
It took me many years to really get over him. And today he’s married with a daughter.
You can’t help but think, wasn’t that supposed to be me next to him?
But if everything does happen for a reason, then there’s a reason why we’re not together today.
I remember the last time I was heart broken, I was alone. I used to go on long walks to just get my mind off of things. But that never helped, it only made things worse.
Because I saw people walking around me, and living their lives, and I wanted to be able to do the same, but couldn’t.
The thing that hurt me the most about last time was that we never even finalized our relationship. It was just left untouched basically.
And I remember tell him about this, I never thought he would do the same thing to me.
I suppose it’s all my fault. Nothing is perfect and I have to realize that.
What are you supposed to do when you’re so in love with someone? How are you supposed to go on, how?
How can I forget? How can I recover?
How can I see him with somebody else?
It was supposed to be me.
And it’s so easy to just walk away in a sense because we’re so far away.
You just click a few buttons, and it’s all over.
I remember saying how scared I was to fall in love again, and love still go the best of me, and it just happened.
I just want to wake up from this horrible nightmare, but I know I’m not dreaming.
I can’t foresee how long it will take me to get over this. Because the fire in my heart is still very much burning.
I meant every single word, when I said that I will love him forever I meant it with every ounce of my being.
They tell me I should smile, and go on, but I just don’t know how.
Anyway, I’m gonna go do what I have to do. I won’t tell anybody because I don’t want anybody to know.
I just need something else to focus on, because this hurts too much.
I’ll be honest, ever since we met, I’ve changed. I’ve learned I am a person who has needs and feeling regardless of whether or not I play music. I know that I’ve found a soul mate, I know he loves and accepts me for who I am. I’ve never been more myself than I am with him. We just have a problem; we each live in a different place.
The love that I have for this man is beyond anything I’ve ever felt. The love that I want to give to him is indescribable.
When I was younger people told me I need to be patient. I suppose that’s what I need to do right now. I may hurt now but I know that when the day comes for me to see him, it will be worth every second.
It kills not to be able to be with the person you love. I knew it was going to be a long journey, but I didn’t know I was going to fall this deeply in love with him.
I just know that no matter what happens, I will spend the rest of my life loving him.
I just want everything to be okay, I want to be his number one just like he is mine.
I guess everything does happen for a reason. I know what true love really is.
When it’s all over, Ill be here; that’s my promise to him.
Waiting for my nails to dry..
It’s all about being sorry all the time. How many times can you say you’re sorry? You cannot tell me you actually are after so many times. How about this, your sorry doesn’t mean a damn thing to me anymore; it lost it’s effect. Im tired of being in this “sorry” relationship. As far as I know I’m on a break right now. If I am loyal to someone, I expect him to be as well. If he can’t be, I can’t be with him. If it’s that hard to love me, then you won’t have to try any longer. I just went back a few months and listened to some messages.. Comon.. They’re pathetic. I guess we were too.
A week ago I said that I want to know I’ve tried before I ever give up. Well, I’m starting to give up because I’m trying so hard but it’s just not working out. We fight all the time, I broke up with him numerous times, and frankly, I am getting sick of it. Honestly, I feel like I’m getting sick of him. It hurts to say that but it’s true. If you can’t love someone and you just hurt them all the time then just let them go. Let them find love elsewhere if that is not something you can give them. Don’t keep them hanging, it just isn’t fair.
It’s just one of those times when you feel like a complete idiot. At least now I know for sure. I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Sometimes you just have to realize that something isn’t worth your time anymore. Why do you keep going if you’re not happy anymore? I’m babysitting in the am, better get some sleep. And my heart? Im just sorry, it doesn’t deserve what I put it through.
